When Writing Group Dynamics Become Toxic

Group dynamics are constantly shifting. If groups are open to new members, the way certain personalities work together needs to be considered. But life experiences can also alter the way members interact.

It's rare for any group to remain static. Most of the time, the shifts in dynamics are evolutionary and easily navigated. However, there are times when the shifts are negative, ultimately resulting in a toxic environment. And these toxic shifts are not so easily navigated.

Writing groups are not immune to these shifts. But like many groups that are made up of those pursuing similar professions (and even the amateur writing groups can be considered a professional group), how we approach any shifts in group dynamics is a measure of our character. The influence that we have over the positive nature of the shifts will also be a function of our administrative connection to the group.

In today's post, I want to explore our options when group dynamics become toxic. We'll consider when you might be in an administrative position, but we'll also look at when you are just an attendee.

My General Approach to Group Dynamics

For any writing group, I always bring everything back to what is best for me and my writing. I always ask myself if the group serves a need that my other activities don't.

I recognize that I'm often in a different place than others in the group, but it always comes back to the reasons why I joined the group and what I gain by being a member. And I consider the costs of being involved, both finances and time. The purpose of my participation in the group might have changed over time, but if the group is no longer providing me with the support I need (and my needs change too), then perhaps it's time for me to consider moving on.

This might sound selfish, but if I'm not getting anything out of a group, then I will become apathetic and less likely to interact with the others. And if I feel that the group is demanding more of me than I'm getting out of it, I know that I will eventually become bitter, feeling like the others are taking advantage of me, even if this viewpoint is wrong. These feelings will shift dynamics in a negative way, making interactions not-so-pleasant for the others. Sometimes, putting my needs first is what is best in the long run for the group.

However, what I do regarding any negativity within a group will depend on my role within the group.

Within the Groups I Run

I'm the organizer of a few writing groups, both online and offline. My general approach is to be open, welcoming, and respectful to all who join. However, there have been times when a new member didn't "gel" with the group.

Within one of my in-person groups, we once had a new member join who was constantly wanting feedback on their writing… and it felt like they wanted us to tell them how wonderful their writing was. Unfortunately, with multiple editors in that group (myself included), any feedback was going to be filled with critique, though most critique given will be intended to help the writer improve their writing in general. But this new writer couldn't take our criticism, so they left and never returned.

In the same group, another person joined who was filled with doom-and-gloom about everything in life. And they came across as narrow-minded, refusing to see multiple perspectives of any situation. In reality, their attitude made quite a few of us in the group feel ick. We continued to be civil to this person when they came to our meetings, but every time they shifted the conversation to doomsday topics (and not story-related doomsday), I (or one of the others in the group) would casually shift the topic to something lighter. That person slowly got the hint that their attitude wasn't a good fit for the group.

And sometimes my reactions to a person's behavior are as blunt as they come. I once held up my hand to a person who insisted on "proving they were right about some random detail" after the conversation had already moved on from what had become a very awkward situation for the group as a whole. I outright refused to let the conversation go back to the topic that had made everyone else feel uncomfortable—and I bluntly told the other person that.

Within the online groups that I run, there is a team of us who watch the conversations carefully. We welcome healthy debate, but the moment anyone turns to trollish behavior, it's quashed immediately. And I'm more than willing to kick a bully out of the group, openly discussing with the rest of the group why that person was removed (and banned). I work hard to maintain a safe space for writers—and the others seem to appreciate my no-tolerance stance to derogatory comments and bullying.

Within Groups Run by Others

I belong to quite a few writing groups. Most of them are run by others. And most of them are groups that I enjoy being part of. However, there have been times when I've left groups run by others for a range of reasons.

There was one group that I had been a member of for years that I just one day left and never went back. No explanation given. I just left.

Something had changed within the group dynamics in a matter of a few short months, and I got sick of feeling angry every time I left the meetings. It wasn't good for my mental health. (I later discovered that certain members of that group were actively bad-mouthing my name behind my back, which is a story for a different day.)

With another group, I left not because of any ill-will, but because I wasn't getting the support I needed. It had nothing to do with what the others in the group were doing or not doing. It's just that I recognized that I was on a different trajectory than the others and I wasn't getting anything out of the group anymore. Everything has to be a give and take. (I still get emails from that group, and I happily continue to support them by telling other writers of their existence, but the group doesn't service my individual needs anymore. I'm not sure if it ever will again.)

I have left online groups that became constant noise that seemed to be nothing but a "Buy My Book" ad for certain members. (Certainly, not productive for networking or learning.) And others have shifted their focus in directions that took them too far away from the reasons why I originally joined.

I have left professional memberships behind (multiple times), because I didn't see the point of shelling out the membership fees when I wasn't getting anything out of it. But I have also returned to certain organizations as I witnessed the shifts in their direction as committees changed, and I wanted to be a part of those shifts.

You Need to Think of You

Within every group that you are a member of, you need to think of your needs and the benefits that you get from being a member of that group. Put yourself first in the equation.

I know this goes against the nature of many people, but if our own well is drained constantly by others, then we have nothing left to give, and it will make us ill (physically and mentally). Fill your own well first, building those reserves. Then you will have something to give to others.