Heart in Turmoil: A Poem from 1996

Heart in Turmoil

Love is funny. You sit around waiting for a dream. Yet, there's another right there.

But it's the dream you want, even though you know it won't last. You keep asking yourself, "How long must I wait?" Yet, there's another right there.

The dream you've known for years. You know his thoughts, his actions, his dreams and fantasies. You know him so intimately that you even know what he is thinking before he does. But he's only a dream, and there's another right there.

But the dream is everything you want: kindness, care, adventure, spontaneity. Most importantly, he values you for what you are. When he needs a friend, it's you he comes to. And when he just wants to remember the good old days, he's at your front door. In between his visits, there's another right there.

It's the other one that puts your heart in turmoil. He too is kind, caring and values you for what you are. He makes the heart soar with his gentle touch. He wants you for all you are. He's not a dream, he's reality... and he's right there.

The other is so similar to the dream. The smile. The laugh. The conversation. But it's the intimate knowledge of one another that he lacks. How can he gain that if you don't let him in? He knows something is wrong, he feels it. Your words and actions don't match. You say you're with him, but in year heart you're with the dream. Meanwhile, the other is waiting patiently, right there.

A decision needs to be made. Do you go for it or give up? Where does the heart lie? The dream makes you think of nothing else when he's around, but the other... He's there for you when you need someone.

The heart is torn. It's the dream you want, yet, there's another right there.

December, 1996