There's an old saying: History is written by the victors.

The viewpoint of the history books becomes tainted by the viewpoints of those who wrote them—often those among the victorious. And because the viewpoints are tainted, we often find that the other side of whatever situation is ignored and their experiences lost. We see this time and time again. But we can also see this in our own lives.

Our memories of events become tainted by our emotional responses to those events. And when certain events have lasting consequences, shaping our viewpoints forever, the truth of the events (and our memories) get lost among the emotional responses. Whether it's by way of omission of fact, or by way of having a skewed perspective, when we strip away all the details, we are left with only one truth that we can properly cling to: That the event changed us.

In today's post, I want to explore this idea that every story has two sides to it, but how at the same time, the details of the story are irrelevant. It's the lasting emotional impact that matters. This is especially the case when it comes to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

A post from a friend on Facebook

Recently, a friend of mine (someone who I've known since childhood) posted a message on Facebook about a toxic relationship she was in years ago and how she had to "fight" to break free of the situation. I have seen a few of these posts from her over the years, and it's given me a deeper appreciation of the depression she faced roughly a decade ago… and how she's still fighting the depression at times.

Her posts are rarely "Whoa is me," trying to garnish sympathy, but rather stating the facts of events as she remembers them, showing the struggle that she's been through and how she's stronger now than she was back then. In the most recent post, it was about how she found herself in a situation where she had bought a house with her then fiancée… and the relationship turned sour… and into a bit of a toxic disaster.

Instead of recognizing the post for what it was, many of her Facebook friends attacked her, saying that the ex was in the right to treat her the way he did regarding the house mortgage.

No one deserves to be treated with utter disrespect, regardless of the circumstances, even war criminals. But I have noticed that there is something about "social media" and the computer monitor that seems to invite people to be monsters in general, shaving away at our humanity. A few of the comments that my friend faced were trollish in nature, and it could have easily turned into a maelstrom.

What doesn't help is that our Facebook friends are not real friends. Most of our Facebook friends are people we have never met in real life and have little connection to. But even then, one would hope that at least a few "real" friends are in the mix. And me being me, I had to pipe up and defend my childhood friend.

Below was my message (with my friend's name redacted for her safety).

To all the doomsayers on this feed, there are two sides to every story. Yes, [redacted] is posting an abridged version of her side of the story. And because this is coming from her side, we will likely never know his side. Nor does it really matter in this situation. She's telling us of a moment where she felt like life was at a low point, and she's telling us how she had to fight for her mental health. If you have known [redacted] for as long as I have (and I'm talking over 40 years here), you will know that it's been a long road to see her get to the point where she feels strong enough to share some of her stories about the dark times in her life.

Mental health is such a precious thing, and when it comes to mental health, there really is only one side of the story that matters: the side of the story that leads to depression and negativity. Because someone who is dealing with depression needs to come to terms with the demons that are triggering those negative states, be that through medication, therapy, or just facing the facts of the past.

I personally applaud [redacted] for having the strength to face all of you negative nilly-willies and tell her side of the story. From what I can see, she is sharing those stories not to garnish sympathy, but in hopes that others see how far she has come to "reclaim" her sense of self, so others know that they don't have to stay in the pits of darkness. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel… and it's not always a train heading in the other direction.

(And for anyone who has never seen the Black Wolf in me in action… Just like any wolf, I'm a pack animal by nature… and I'll go for blood if the need arises to protect my pack.)

Understanding how sides don't matter

This is not the first time when I've been forced into a situation (either by choice or circumstances) where I've had to highlight that while there are two sides of every story, the details don't matter in the face of mental health.

Some years back, a close friend of my daughter tried to commit suicide, because she didn't feel safe at home. My daughter and I have spoken about the events that happened around that incident many times over the years, because it was an event that impacted on a lot of us in profound ways, myself included.

I will never forget how things unfolded that night. My daughter was on her phone with her friend as her friend was slipping away from us. And I was on the phone with the police, trying to get this young woman help, not having a clue where she lived, relaying whatever information I could, knowing that the police had the right to access certain records in an attempt to save a person's life.

But during my conversations with my daughter about those events, we always come to the same conclusion: We will never know the truth behind why my daughter's friend felt that suicide was the only way out of her situation. All we have are our memories of the events. However, the truth of the events is irrelevant. What matters is the fact that the young woman didn't feel safe and was crying out for help in the only way that she could think of. And she got the help she needed!

(FYI, my daughter's friend is still with us… and in a much better head space today… because she got the help she needed. And I get the privilege of considering her an adopted daughter even though we've never adopted her. She's just at our house a lot… and happy to talk to me when she's feeling stuck with something… because she knows I won't judge her. She knows that all of my comments (and actions) come from a place of caring.)

Mental health is more important than the details

In both scenarios from above, the women involved didn't feel safe. They spiraled into depression and needed to get out.

The circumstances behind the situations are a little vague to me. I don't know the full story of what happened in either case, but I don't need to know either. What is relevant is how the two women involved felt about the situation… and how they are now in a healthier space mentally, despite the crucible that they both faced.

Mental health is of great concern… and it needs to be. Things like depression are a hidden disease that is far-too-frequently brushed under the rug and never discussed…

Until it's too late… And I find myself on the phone with the police trying to get a young woman help before she successfully kills herself.

I am hoping that my daughter's friend one day feels strong enough to revisit the events that happened all those years ago, using her story to help others see that there is a way out that doesn't involve killing yourself. But I'm not going to push her. That needs to be a personal journey… and if my childhood friend is anything to go by, it might take decades before she is ready to head down that path.

I applaud my childhood friend for having the strength to start coming forward to publicly discuss what were some of the darkest times in her life. It is my hope that more people like her come forward with their stories, bringing mental health issues (and the reasons for why we have so many mental health issues in society) out of the closet.

We need to talk more about depression: what it is and how anyone could become a victim of this hidden disease. Because the more we talk about it, the more resources become available to fight it—and the more that those who feel stuck will hopefully feel the strength to seek help before thinking of suicide.

Please Reach Out

If you or a loved one are suffering from depression, regardless of how those circumstances came to be, please reach out and seek help. The resources available will depend on your locality, but even reaching out to the online community can help in ways you never imagined.

Please don't suffer in silence. And please don't suffer alone.