The vocal few are silencing our voices

I'm seeing a growing trend on social media and internet-based, closed discussion groups. There seems to be a push for inclusivity and open discussion, yet if you don't veil your comments in what is seen as being politically correct, then expect to be attacked by the lynch mob.

It doesn't matter if you are being polite and careful about your wording. If you don't say things exactly how the vocal few wants you to say them, then you're not welcome.

Public social media is a hot spot for this, because you might also be attacked by the trolls who are deliberately trying to get a reaction out of you. But when you see the policing of language and unfiltered thoughts on private community forums too, what might be seen as a good thing can quickly become a bad thing.

There is a difference between hate speech and innocent comments that can be interpreted multiple ways. It's perfectly valid to have a random comment challenged, seeking clarification, because random comments with no context can be seen as negative and hateful. But when a clarification is given, there have been times when the lynch mob goes in for the kill, accusing people of things that they are not.

Situations quickly escalate, and emotions rage out of control. How we navigate this minefield is a measure of our character.

Most of the time, I just ignore the comments attacking me, particularly if they are on public social media. But when the comments come in via an avenue that is meant to be supportive and inclusive (and private)…

At that point, we are often forced into a situation where we are silenced (and left with no way to express ourselves) or ostracized (and still left with no way to express ourselves). And all because the vocal few don't like what we have to say.

In today's post, I want to show you how an innocent comment can quickly get out of control, leaving us with little choice but to become silent.

Before I get into this, I know (and am consciously aware) that sometimes I say things that could offend people. My sense of humor is very dark, but I also speak the truth (or at least how I see the truth). I have never been one to shy away from the difficult conversation for fear I might be hurting someone's feelings. Instead, I will fight for what is morally right.

This viewpoint has meant that some people just can't cope with how I express my thoughts and opinions. I'm okay with that. To quote my daughter: That's a "them" problem, not a "me" problem.

And on that note, I know that certain comments in today's post will likely spark some hateful thoughts in others. If that means that you no longer follow me or read anything else I write, I'm okay with that too. But know that I won't be silenced anymore.

The comments that sparked this post

In a recent conversation on the forums for one of my editing communities, there was a post that was looking for those to interview for the upcoming Black History Month and Women's History Month.

In response, I said:

I fall into the "women" club. Not sure if that means much these days.

Now, in hindsight, I probably should have just left off the second sentence, but I didn't. It was social media, and we often post things without fully thinking through ALL the ramifications. And I didn't go in to sanitize it later, because… Well, I'll get to that in a moment.

Someone asked what I meant by that statement, to which I responded:

There are a variety of reasons for that response, including how women are treated in general (and rights are slowly being eroded away). But the other reason (more positive reason) is that freelance editing seems to be dominated by women. So…

I then added:

I won't get into it any more than that, because the conversation would quickly erode into a political one, which I don't want to happen.

You would think that it would have been left at that, but no… I was suddenly attacked (or at least I felt like I was being attacked) and accused of being anti-trans.

To those statements, I sent the following:

I think we can agree that reading a "snippet" on any social media can be interpreted in multiple ways, regardless of any intent of the writer. Readers will take what they want to see out of things (also regardless of the intent of the writer). This is one of the major failings of social media interactions.

I should have just stayed silent, but I've never done what I "should have" done. I'm always doing what I feel is right in the situation… at the time. (Hindsight is an amazing thing.) But in response to what I thought was clear and logical reasoning, the attacks kept coming… and I was basically told that I should apologize. (Never mind that the fastest way to NOT get an apology out of anyone is to publicly demand an apology, because any apology at that point will sound hollow and have no meaning.)

Before taking any further action, seeing how this was getting out of control, I showed my daughter the conversation, as my daughter has a better pulse on the PC rhetoric than I do.

Her response: "Mom, that sounds like a 'them' problem, not a 'you' problem."

So, I chose to not respond further… until more attacks came that were veiled in the PC bullshit, all effectively accusing me of being anti-trans and spouting negative, hateful speech on social media… which I never did.

Look at my comments from above. I've quoted exactly what I said. Sure, the initial comment could have been interpreted as anti-trans, but it was not hateful and not spouting negative speech. In my mind, it was just a statement of fact—one of which, in hindsight, shouldn't have been said. But as I've already mentioned, hindsight is an amazing thing.

I should have left it alone, but I couldn't. I felt like I was being attacked and accused of things that I wasn't. And more importantly, I felt like my voice was being silenced by the vocal few, just because I wasn't saying things exactly how the vocal few wanted me to say it. So, I said one last thing before "muting the channel" forever.

I apologize if my comment was taken inappropriately. That was not my intent. But I also need to say that I now feel like I was attacked (and in mean hateful ways). I'm NOT anti-trans, because I refuse to put anyone into any box. We are our own individuals. We should never be put into someone else's "box" because there is no one-size-fits-all box.

The problem is that social media in general has fostered a community that is not really open to "no one-size-fits-all" viewpoint. We are forced into boxes, and if we don't check a box (or refuse to check one), we are not welcome. And that's how I've felt all weekend.

While I've "muted" the channel where this conversation occurred, I now fear that this will have a negative impact on a variety of other things associated with that particular editing organization.

I can foresee a complaint being laid against me that results in disciplinary action, simply because my initial comment was interpreted as anti-trans. And if it really does get to that point, I will be calling certain people out on their double standards.

And I also fear that I will likely turn into one of those looky-loos who can't turn away from the accident as they drive by it. I will likely keep going back to the channel (until such time that I've been kicked out), just to see the carnage.

I won't say anything more on that channel. In this instance, the vocal few has succeeded in silencing my voice. But it doesn't mean that I won't be sitting there with the popcorn as I watch the vocal few completely trash my good name.

(FYI, I've taken screenshots of the full conversation for my records, just in case things escalate to disciplinary action. And if further comments are made, I'll be taking screenshots of those too.)

Innocent statements can be twisted

Things have gotten to the point where we can't go anywhere without fear that we say something that will offend someone. Even what can been seen as innocent statements can be twisted into the offensive.

"Oh darling, aren't you being sweet."

Believe it or not, that phrase (such an innocent phrase) can be a veiled slur of major derogatory proportions depending on the circumstances. With the right inflections, that phrase falls into what some might call Southern Sweetness.

But that's my point. Without context, we have no idea if it is really derogatory or whether it's as innocent as it seems.

We're reading into it what we want to see out of it, regardless of whether that was the intention.

Want another example? Recently, my daughter said the following in a pole dancing class.

"I can't seem to keep my legs closed."

If you have a dirty mind like the majority of the population, you can probably see the problem with that statement, but my daughter doesn't think that way. (Though her friends are working hard to take her mind into the sewer for her own future safety. She's too innocent for her own good.)

In truth, that statement was a very innocent statement. My daughter said this in a pole dancing class where they were working on pole sits. It's a move where you are "sitting" on the vertical pole, using only your thighs to hold you up—no hands. If you don't "close your legs" tight enough, you will fall. When done correctly, it's a very safe move (a Level 1/2 move). (Even I can do it, though I can't hold the pole sit for long—because it bloody hurts between the thighs!)

Look, I'm not trying to make fun of what is a very serious situation, but I am trying to right-size the conversation—for both my mental health and in an effort to make a point.

Social Media: The Silencing Machine

As I'm venturing more and more into the online world in an attempt to make a name for myself and sell my books (and services), I'm coming to the viewpoint that social media is not all it's cracked up to be.

Social media is not a forum for open discussion that can lead to world change. Instead, it seems to be a soapbox where only the vocal few are allowed to have a voice. If anyone else tries to speak up with anything that just happens to go against the vocal few (regardless of whether the vocal few are right or wrong), then that lone speaker will be shot down… and silenced.

I'm absolutely sick of the vocal few silencing the voices of the masses. As a society, we have been forced to "bow down" to the vocal few who are insisting that we become silent and filter everything we might have to say… because we might offend the vocal few. But what is worse is that we have also fostered this community that is fractured by more exclusivity than ever before, giving a voice to only the select few.

(BTW, it was for this reason that I refuse to go in and sanitize my original comment on social media that sparked that anti-trans witch hunt. Why should I retroactively filter my thoughts because someone else took offense?)

Social media was supposed to be this place where the minority silent could find a voice, but on social media, anything that we say, and I do mean anything, can be seen as offensive. I just proved that statements taken out of context can have multiple meanings, including the meanings that belong in the gutter.

As such, accounts are deleted by service providers even if users have done nothing wrong. If an account is mass reported as offensive, even if statements are innocent, service providers have to stand with the lynch mob… or lose money from the lynch mob.

So, if social media is not the place for a voice that won't be silenced, one has to ask where is the place for such a voice… assuming that such a voice exists?

I won't be silenced on channels I control

For me, there are only two avenues left that are public where I can truly express myself: my novels and here on this blog.

When it comes to my stories and novels, I get the final say as to what is included. If I'm not happy with something, I'll change it. And if I want a particular phrase (or message) to be included, I'll include it. It's my voice (or more appropriately my characters' voices). No one else gets any approval rights regarding the content. No one can write like I can.

And as for the blog… Well, I control the content—not the vocal few who are ramming the political agenda down everyone's throats. I control what is posted. I control whether comments are allowed to be seen by the public. And I can block comments from certain people, IP addresses, and countries, if I feel the need. I control it!

So, I can choose how to express my voice, and I won't have it silenced, not on my blog. And not in my books.

My final thoughts

I thought long and hard about whether I should post this on my blog or not, actually considering not saying anything at all about this publicly and just silently brooding about it (and plotting the death of people in my writing… because I can guarantee that more characters will die before the day is done). But in truth, I refuse to have my voice silenced just because the vocal few don't like how I phrase things.

Take my comments how you will, because how you interpret my words is entirely up to you. I can't control what you are thinking or how you see things. Nor should I try.

We are all entitled to our own opinions. And we are all entitled to share our thoughts, using our voices how we see fit.

It doesn't mean that I have to listen. And it doesn't mean that you have to listen. But you do have to respect the freedoms that we have in voicing our thoughts and opinions, because those freedoms can easily be taken away by the vocal few.