A few years ago, I came across this exercise that was about self-reflection for writers, specifically targeting what we thought of ourselves as a writer. We were to write a letter to ourselves, being honest about what we thought about our writing skills. This self-examination was to include any strengths and weaknesses that we might have seen.

Through the exercise, we were supposed to identify what we thought were “weak points” within our writing, so we could start learning and improve… and grow.

I’m a learner at heart. I am always trying to learn that next thing, constantly expanding my skill set. So, taking the time to develop a plan for targeted learning was appealing. So, I wrote a letter to myself and stashed it away in the archives of my computer.

Recently, in going back through my blog notes and other files, I encountered the letter that I wrote to myself back in 2020.

At the time, I was deep in the query trenches, trying to find an agent for one of two novels. Because of the events surrounding the pandemic (and the impacts it was having on the industry and the world), I found myself swimming in rejection letters. And I was spiraling into depression.

In the past, I would have kept this sort of thing private, never sharing it with others, hiding its existence. But I’ve decided that I need to share this letter to myself with my readers (with some minor changes, of course, primarily editorial issues). I want my readers to understand that this writing thing is a journey.

And this is part of my journey as a writer.

Letter to myself (December 2020)

I know you suffer greatly from self-doubt. It doesn’t help that no one seems to be willing to pay for your stories. Granted, you haven’t written many short stories, but very few seem to be willing to take on your novels, too. Perhaps you haven’t queried enough people.

That is probably the biggest issue that you face. You haven’t done enough on the attempts to get yourself out there.

You have the chops to do this. You can make people cry, pouring emotion into your writing. Even before you knew what you know now, you were able to elicit emotion from readers. Remember the beta reader responses to Beacon of Hope, and how they were so upset that Gracy died—only for Gracy to live again. And think about the number of people who have read The Wishing Well, who have all cursed at you because you turned them into a blubbering mess.

And your developmental editor has commented that you are a talented writer. Don’t forget about the agent who has said the same thing (even though your story wasn’t right for him).

You need to take more risks. Simple as that. You need to attack the querying trenches with vigor. You need to write more fiction.

Stop focusing so much on the nonfiction. Yes, the nonfiction will help to generate business for the editing, but if you focus so much on the nonfiction, you’ll never get the fiction out there. You need to prove that you can produce new material within a reasonable time frame.

From here on out, that needs to be your number one goal: to write!

Addendum (August 2024)

Four years later, and I didn’t take my own advice until recent times. I’m talking about the “getting myself out there” and writing fiction.

Looking at the date of the letter, I was likely still trying to process the chaos of the world at the time… including the death of my mother some months prior.

But today, I’ve deliberately added “write fiction” to my weekly and daily goals, with dedicated time for the new novel at least once every week while I continue to edit the previous one and get it ready for publication. And I’m looking at how I can expand my net of followers, putting myself out there and finally taking chances.

I am no longer in the querying trenches. I recently made it publicly known that I’m going “all in” for self-publishing. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but it was the right decision for me.

Beacon of Hope was the first novel I ever wrote. It is currently sitting in the metaphorical drawer and is unlikely to come out for some time. That book was the first in a massive series—as in thirteen (13) books at a minimum. When I originally wrote the novel (and the bulk of the series) back in 2008 (editing the first novel and attempting to query it in 2013), I didn’t have the writing skills necessary to do the story justice (though I was delusional and didn’t know that at the time). But I was still able to craft a story that I adored.

I still love that story. I love the world and the characters in it. And I love how it makes me giddy to know that I wrote that… and it could be awesome! I know I have the skills now to allow Gracy and the other characters in that novel (and series) to come to life. One day, I’ll pull it out and rewrite it, and get it ready for publication. But not yet. I have other characters and other worlds that are demanding my attention.

And recently, I released The Wishing Well. It’s available to all my newsletter subscribers to download for free.

I still have a lot of work to do. I have a long road ahead of me. But I’m not scared of it—not anymore.

I know that readers will come and go. Not everyone is going to like what I write. But it will be uniquely me. And it will be something that I will be proud of for years to come.