Every writer who puts their work out there will have to face critiques of all flavors: the good, the bad, and the outright mean.

For the new writer, one just starting down the journey, sending that baby out for review can actually be a terrifying experience. "What if they don't like it? What if I'm doing it all wrong? What if they tell me my writing is shit?"

Yeah, these are all fears that I had when I was first starting out. Even today, I have those fears. But there is one truth that helps me send my writing out the door anyway.

Not everyone is going to like what you write. Writing is like art, filled with subjective opinions.

If you're determined to have everyone in the world like your writing, then you might as well give up now. It's never going to happen. The best you can ever hope for is that the fans of your books like what you wrote, and hopefully, they'll help you spread the word of your book's existence.

But let's take a look at how to find value in every critique, including the outright-mean kind.

Critique is important

We all need critique, regardless of how long we've been writing, because what we thought was on the page might not actually be on the page. We need those other eyes to help us pick up things that might not make any sense to someone not privy to the wealth of knowledge in our heads.

But there is only one person who is able to answer the self-doubt question of whether we're doing this wrong: the writer.

It's your writing, so only you can judge whether it's right or wrong. Other can tell you that something didn't work for them, and they might be able to provide suggestions on how to rework something, making a passage stronger. But whether you take on board those suggestions or not is entirely up to you.

And regarding the self-doubt question about whether the writing is shit or not? Well, if anyone uses those exact words and tell you that your writing is shit, you just come to me. I'll be able to right-size that shitty feedback, because it is shitty feedback (not shitty writing).

But there is something you can learn from comments like that. Number 1 lesson: Never send that person a sample of your work ever again, because they are clearly not your target audience.

Critiques that make your writing bleed

I've received a few critiques over the years where I opened the document and all I saw was nothing but a sea of red. It was like every line had something wrong with it. Those critiques tore my writing to shreds, poking holes at every turn.

These critiques are the hardest ones to read; they play on our emotional heartstrings. We've poured everything into our writing, and it's just been thrown to the lions and turned into a bloody mass.

At this point, you have three choices here:

1. break down in tears, throwing your manuscript away and never look at it again;
2. hit delete on that critique and treat is as a bunch of manure that is only worth fertilizing the garden with; or
3. step back and try to read between the lines for the value of the critique.

Taking option #3 is incredibly difficult, but it is what you need to do.

Every critique (even the outright-mean kind) has something of value worth taking on board. The trick is finding it.

Finding the value in that critique

So you've gotten this negative critique. The first thing you should do is put it aside and don't look at it.

I know that's a contradiction to what I've just said above, but it's for your own good.

You need to distance yourself emotionally from that critique. Give yourself a chance to build the wall around your heart, so you can take on board any of the valuable points.

Then you're going to give those extremely negative comments to a trusted friend to read for you. Your friend won't be as emotionally invested in your writing, and hence they will be able to filter through that review to the points actually worth looking at. Get them to identify something that you can focus on within your writing.

You'll do the edits that your friend has suggested—but you aren't done with that critique yet.

After you have given yourself sufficient time to cool those initial anger flashes you felt during the first reading of that negative critique, you are going to pick it up again and read it for yourself.

Remember that your friend helped you find something of value in that critique. That might in fact be the only point worth considering, but unless you take the time to dissect that critique yourself, you won't know for sure.

Take your red pen to that critique. Make it bleed in return. Cross out any statements that are just not productive (for example, name calling, statements like "magic doesn't exist, so you should remove it from your fantasy novel",  or "a woman would never react that way" comments made by a man to a female writer, etc.). Then look at each point not crossed out in turn.

Is the point something that someone else has already brought up (but in a nicer way)? If so, then you might want to visit this.

Is the point based on some technical issue, be it writing related or plot specific? Again, look at it, but it doesn't mean you need to change it.

Have you already addressed the comment during an interim edit? If so, brilliant... Red pen, here we come.

Developing the thick skin that writers need

In truth, the critiques that tear your writing to shreds, even though they're the hardest to read, are actually the best critiques to get.

The critiques that do nothing but gush about how brilliant your writing is don't provide you with anything to actually work with. If I wanted people to gush over my writing, I would give it to my friends who aren't writers themselves. "It's brilliant. It's perfect. Publish now." Meanwhile, there are glaring plot holes and fundamental writing flaws that will crucify any chances at decent sales.

No... Every writer needs a critique partner, a person not afraid to tear your writing apart, making it bleed. But the good critique partners, the ones you will cherish for years to come, are hard to find. I should know...

Over the years, I have found many very good beta readers, but critique partners... I used to have one. But there came a point when the relationship felt one-sided, where I was providing free developmental editing on their manuscript, given to me in tiny snippets... and I was getting nothing in return (except headaches). Today, I will happily use beta readers as part of my process, but if I'm wanting that make-it-bleed level of feedback, I'll hire a developmental editor for a manuscript critique. (Yes, even editors need to hire editors.)

It's not an editor's job to like your writing. If they do, bonus. But it's their job to assess the writing and the story and give their honest opinion, but in a palatable way. No editor worth working with will tell you that your writing is shit. But they might tell you that your story is seriously lacking. But even those comments can be soul crushing if not handled with care.

This is why writers need to develop a thick skin, separating the writing from their person, even though they've poured their heart and soul into it.

Even I've had to give the "bleeding" critiques

In my time as an editor, I have dished out my fair share of heartbreaking critiques, critiques that were bleeding red.

I always try to be constructive, explaining exactly why something didn't work for me, providing options on how to deal with the issue. I have told clients that their manuscript, in my opinion, were not ready for publication.

I have told clients that their writing style was so confusing that I struggled to read it. I have told clients that while their writing style was fantastic, there were ginormous plot holes that a whole army of dragons could fly through. But it has also been my joy to see writing flourish and that story just take my imagination away.

I have seen writing that had me so caught up in the story that I put the red pen down and just read. I have had the pleasure in hearing of the successes of my clients who have taken on board my critiques and obtain publication contacts.

While negative critiques might be hard to take, one should always remember that they are not intended as a personal attack. They are there to help you grow as a writer, and to give you the precious feedback that you need to turn your story into a precious, polished gem.