Tag Archives: self doubt

Letter to Self: Your number one goal is to write!

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A few years ago, I came across this exercise that was about self-reflection for writers, specifically targeting what we thought of ourselves as a writer. We were to write a letter to ourselves, being honest about what we thought about our writing skills. This self-examination was to include any strengths and weaknesses that we might have seen.

Through the exercise, we were supposed to identify what we thought were “weak points” within our writing, so we could start learning and improve… and grow.

I’m a learner at heart. I am always trying to learn that next thing, constantly expanding my skill set. So, taking the time to develop a plan for targeted learning was appealing. So, I wrote a letter to myself and stashed it away in the archives of my computer.

Recently, in going back through my blog notes and other files, I encountered the letter that I wrote to myself back in 2020.

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Don’t ask about the published works. Ask about the work-in-progress.

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I became serious about publishing of fiction back in 2013, starting the process about learning everything that I can about what it was really going to take to publish fiction. In 2015, I chose to retrain as an editor. And every single day since I opened up for business, there has been this underlining doubt.

How can I prove that I know what I'm talking about when I'm haven't got the proof in the pudding?

Every time I encounter a writer who is focused on books that I've published, I find myself in a position where I have to defend my choices, which is something I shouldn't have to do. And when I get accused of being a hack because very few of my clients are published, I get defensive of my clients and want to go in for the attack.

I thought I had come to terms with my demons and had developed strategies to get past them so I could do my job. However, a recent interaction via Instagram brought all the insecurities flooding back, making me question all of my choices—yet again.

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Did I kill my story by having the police in it?

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Back in 2017, I finally started penning my first crime thriller. The idea had been whizzing around in my head for some time, but finally enough of the pieces had clunked together and I was ready to tell the story of Veronica (a wannabe thriller writer who fell into the middle of the one serial killer case that could mean her own death). I had the opening sequence and the final scene written, and I knew the key moments in the middle, so off I went.

Two full years to write that thing, and a lot of self-discovery about the type of writer I am. I learnt so much about my writing process, and I learnt a lot about what it would take to survive as a writer in this highly uncertain business. (Hint: Perseverance is the key.)

I worked with a developmental editor to make the story top-notch, and come August 2019, I began the query process for that manuscript. I was extremely proud of what I had produced. (I still am.)

Then 2020… and the panic set in.

The story centers around the homicide unit with the Atlanta PD. With the current animosity towards US-based police, was this a fatal mistake? And if it was, how was I to know back in 2017 when I first started writing the manuscript that the entire world would go topsy-turvy in 2020? Hell, how was I to know that in 2019 when I started querying it?

But the more important question: Should I even worry?

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